Six times in the Gospel According to John, the writer refers to “the disciple whom Jesus loved.” The Greek words used for the affection between Jesus and this particular disciple alternate. IN some cases, the word used is ἀγαπάω (agapaó) and, in others, φιλέω (phileó).
Through the centuries, Christian theologians have gone to great lengths to distinguish these two types of love (even though more secular authors writing in Greek at the time the Gospels were constructed regarded these words as secular synonyms). The Christian theologians have described the first–agapé–as “divine love”…as disinterested, selfless love that simply wants the best for the recipient, that asks for nothing in return, that is a love free from need or desire for reciprocation.
These same theologians have defined the second–phileó–as “friendship love”…as reciprocated, affectionate, warm, relational love. Both of these loves of course do not contain the sexual element present in eros…“erotic” love <<shudder>>!
[Personally, I don’t think that these attempted distinctions hold up all that well under close inspection. Consider the word “philosophy”–which, etymologically, means a love-of-wisdom (philo + sophía). Is the love of wisdom a friendship type? Is it reciprocated? Or that the flower known as “Lily of the Nile” and bears the Greek name Agapanthus (agapé + anthos), a divinely and disinterestedly loved flower?]
However you parse (or don’t parse) out the Greek meaning of these words, one thing comes across in the Gospel According to John: Jesus had a relationship with one of his disciples that was markedly more intimate than he had with the others. Or, at least, so that disciple thought and so the Church has agreed.
Just for your edification, here is the (for-crying-out-loud) reasoning that St. Augustine gave for the close relationship between Jesus and John: “The singular privilege of his (John’s) chastity rendered him worthy of the more particular love of Christ, because being chosen by him (i.e., when Jesus chose John, John was) a virgin, he always remained such.” I wonder, though, why would Jesus–who apparently enjoyed partying with prostitutes, among others–care whether or not John had ever had sex with anyone, especially as a precondition for developing a close friendship with him?! Who loves like that?!
The question here is that which is stated in the title of this blog: Does God play favorites? In this case, did Jesus simply prefer some of his disciples to the others? Did he perhaps like John and James and Peter in a way that he did not feel toward, say, Judas Iscariot, Judas (not Iscariot), or Simon the Zealot? Or, stated another way, it conceivable that Jesus spent three years in constant contact with a specific group of human beings and simply felt the same, disinterested care for each of them, regardless of their personalities, words, or actions? Is this in any way connected to why Judas’s betrayal lives on in infamy, whereas Peter’s denial of Jesus proved a teachable moment in Divine forgiveness?
The Bible seems full of those whom God appears to favor, including Abraham (who slept with his wife’s slave) and David (an adulterous rapist and murderer who showed little-to-no sexual inhibitions). What seems to be the difference in at least these two cases (and maybe in others) is definitely not the sexual purity of the ones that God loves! Rather, scriptural texts offer that Abraham and David loved God back. They enjoyed and trusted in, grew from, sought out and gained insight from, and wholeheartedly embraced their relationship with Divinity. And, it appears, John, too embraced and enjoyed his connection with Jesus.
I do not believe, as did Augustine, that had John the Evangelist ever had sex, then he would never have been permitted to be “the beloved disciple.” In fact, I see no biblical evidence whatsoever that John lived and died a virgin.
In any case, it well might not be about God selecting this or that person to favor, but about people who open themselves up to being loved by and, in turn, loving the One Who Gives Life.